Alex Bolowich is a Certified Mental Performance Consultant, founder of Elite Mental Performance, and Co-Founder of Ibex Tactics. Alex is based out of Charlotte, North Carolina, where he specializes in working with athletes and teams to help them perform in the most intense situations, building practices for sustained excellence at elite levels like the NCAA, NFL, MLS, NBA, and Olympics. If you are interested in any of his signature programs, use the link here! Enjoy the article below!

The Double-Edged Sword of Perfectionism in Athletes: The Fuel That Drives You Or Consumes You

Perfectionism in athletes can be a powerful fuel that drives them to incredible accomplishments. On the other hand, it's like playing with fire, and can end up burning you, leading to self-depreciation, anger towards oneself, overtraining, and even burning out, leading to quitting the sport. The perfectionistic nature of athletes isn't the issue; it's the source of where it's coming from. This blog will uncover what perfectionism is, how it's helpful, hurtful, and how to identify the adaptive (good) or maladaptive (bad) sources of perfectionism with concrete steps on how to understand how it shows up for you and what you can do about it.

You've seen it before. That athlete on your team who works harder than anyone else. Who stays late. Who obsesses over every detail. Who seems destined for greatness.

And then, without warning, they crumble. The burnout hits. The self-criticism becomes vicious. The joy evaporates.

Woah! What happened? Where did that come from?

Here's what most coaches and parents miss. They see they are being overly driven and overly critical. They see perfectionism and immediately think, "This can't be good." But here's the truth. Perfectionism isn't the problem. The source of that perfectionism is.

Waleriańczyk states, "Perfectionism is a personality disposition in which setting exceedingly high standards and striving for flawlessness (perfectionistic strivings) are accompanied by overly critical evaluations of one's behaviors (perfectionistic concerns)."

But Dr. Paul Hewitt mentions the other side of perfectionism, which is the pursuit of something more meaningful, and it's not driven by a fear or lack of not being worthy or valuable, but in pursuit of capability.

Two Athletes, Two Stories

Let me paint you a picture of two athletes. Both are perfectionists. Both train relentlessly. Both have incredibly high standards.

Athlete A wakes up every morning driven by a gnawing feeling that they're not enough. Every training session is a chance to prove their worth. Every competition is a referendum on whether they deserve love, respect, or even a spot on the team. Their perfectionism whispers: "If you don't perform well, who even are you? You have nothing else to offer."

Athlete B wakes up excited. They see their potential and they're running toward it. Their high standards come from genuine capability and curiosity about how good they can become. Their perfectionism says: "I wonder what I'm capable of if I give this everything I've got."

Same drive. Same hours. Completely different psychological experience.

And here's the thing, you can tell the difference in the first 60 seconds after they compete.

The 60-Second Test: What Happens When They Win?

Forget everything else for a moment. When your athlete succeeds, hits the PR, makes the play, wins the race, what do you see?

The Red Flags (Maladaptive Perfectionism):

Emotion: Relief Not joy. Not pride. Relief. Like they just narrowly escaped something terrible. Their shoulders drop, they exhale like they've been holding their breath for days. It looks less like celebration and more like survival.

Thoughts you might have:

• "Did you see that? Did you see what I did?"

• "I wonder what [coach/parent/scout] thought of that."

• "Finally, maybe they'll get off my back."

• "At least I didn't embarrass myself."

Notice the pattern? It's all external. It's all about proving something to someone else. Success isn't joyful; it's just temporary relief from the fear of not being enough.

The Green Lights (Adaptive Perfectionism):

Emotion: Joy and Pride. Genuine celebration. They light up. There's an authentic excitement that comes from within, not from seeking approval.

Thoughts you might have:

• "That's what I've been working for!"

• "All those early mornings paid off."

• "I can't wait to see what else I can do."

• "That was awesome! Let's go again."

See the difference? The focus is on the work, the process, the journey. Success is confirmation of their capability, not validation of their worth. And critically, they're already looking forward to the next challenge with excitement, not dread.

The Real Tell: What Happens When They Fail?

Success can fool you. But failure? Failure reveals everything.

Research on runners found something stunning: athletes high in perfectionistic concerns experienced higher tension not only after failing to meet their goal, but even after exceeding their expectations (Waleriańczyk et al., 2022). They literally couldn't win.

But let's get more specific. Here's what to watch for in that critical moment when they fall short:

The Warning Signs (Maladaptive):

Emotion: Anger turned inward, shame, devastation Not just disappointment, something heavier. Something that shuts them down completely.

Thoughts you might hear (or see written all over their face):

• "I suck"

• "What the f*** is wrong with me?"

• "I'm such an idiot"

• "I always choke"

• "I'll never be good enough"

What it looks like: They can't recover. They're mentally out of the game. Even if there's another quarter to play, another attempt to take, they're gone. The emotional and cognitive charge is so heavy it literally impairs their ability to execute.

The Healthy Response (Adaptive):

Emotion: Frustration, determination, eagerness Yes, they're disappointed. Yes, they're frustrated. But there's a forward energy to it.

Thoughts you might hear:

• "That sucked"

• "Give me another shot at that"

• "What the f*** am I doing?" (notice: not "what's wrong with me?")

• "Alright, let me try something different"

• "I'm coming back for this"

What it looks like: They shake it off. They might take a moment, but they're already problem-solving. They want back in. The disappointment is about the outcome they wanted, not about their identity as a person.

Listen Closely To The Details In Their Talk

Listen carefully to how your athlete talks after a mistake or loss. The difference between these phrases might seem small, but it's massive:

"I suck" vs. "That sucked" One is about identity. One is about an outcome.

"What the f* is wrong with me?" vs. "What the f*** am I doing?"** One assumes brokenness. One assumes adjustability.

"I always fail" vs. "I failed this time" One is permanent and pervasive. One is specific and changeable.

"I let everyone down" vs. "That's not the result we wanted" One internalizes responsibility for others' emotions. One acknowledges a shared disappointment without carrying the weight of everyone's worth on their shoulders.

The athlete with maladaptive perfectionism makes it about who they are. The athlete with adaptive perfectionism makes it about what happened.

A Critical Distinction: Normal vs. Problematic Disappointment

Let's be clear about something: disappointment and frustration are normal. They're healthy. They mean you care.

If your athlete misses the game-winning shot and feels nothing, that's a problem. If they fall short of their goal and shrug it off immediately, they might not be invested enough.

So let's define the difference:

Normal, Healthy Disappointment:

• Frustration with the outcome

• Disappointment in not achieving what they worked for

• Some frustration with their execution or choices

• Temporary emotional intensity that fades

• Ability to shift focus relatively quickly

The Red Flag Stuff:

• All the disappointment is internalized and about them as a person

• The emotional charge is so heavy it takes them out of the game mentally

• They can't relax enough to execute in the moment

• The self-criticism is vicious and relentless

• Days later, they still can't move past it

• They start avoiding situations where they might fail again

The research backs this up: higher tension was accompanied by lower pleasure and energy, showing that perfectionistic concerns predict a less desirable profile of mood even after success (Waleriańczyk et al., 2022). It's not just about intensity of emotion, it's about whether that emotion keeps them stuck or propels them forward.

How Emotionally and Cognitively Charged Are They?

Here's a practical assessment tool. After a performance (good or bad), observe your athlete on a scale:

Cognitive Load:

• Can they think clearly or is their mind racing/shutting down?

• Can they problem-solve or are they stuck in self-judgment?

• Can they hear coaching or are they completely internal?

Emotional Charge:

• On a scale of 1-10, how intense is the emotion?

• Does it dissipate within minutes/hours or does it last for days?

• Does it energize them toward action or paralyze them?

An athlete with adaptive perfectionism might hit an 8 or 9 on intensity after a failure, but it drops to a 3 or 4 within an hour. They're back to planning, adjusting, preparing.

An athlete with maladaptive perfectionism might hit a 10 and stay there. Days later, they're still replaying it. The emotional charge doesn't dissipate; it festers.

The Post-Competition Mood Window

Here's something most coaches miss: the real indicator isn't just the immediate reaction, it's what happens in the days that follow.

The interplay of goal-realization and perfectionism still affected runners' mood several days after competition, suggesting robust and persevering effects (Waleriańczyk et al., 2022).

Check in with your athlete 3-5 days after a big performance:

Maladaptive pattern:

• Still dwelling on mistakes

• Can't talk about anything else

• Mood hasn't recovered

• Dreading the next competition

• Training has become joyless

Adaptive pattern:

• Processed it and moved on

• Learned something specific

• Mood has normalized

• Already excited about the next opportunity

• Training with purpose again

The Climate You're Creating (And How It Feeds One or the Other)

And coaches, parents, this one's on us.

Research shows that athletes who experience external perfectionistic pressure from coaches show increased anxiety, worry, fear, negative responses to failure, lower resilience, and higher burnout (Hill, 2025).

Ask yourself honestly:

When they succeed, do you:

• Immediately ask, "What's next?" (implying this wasn't enough)

• Focus only on the outcome, not the effort

• Compare them to others or to some idealized standard

• Show more approval than usual (suggesting your love/approval is conditional)

When they fail, do you:

• Show disappointment in them vs. disappointment for them

• Withdraw emotionally or physically

• Immediately jump to "what went wrong" without acknowledging the effort

• Make it about how their failure affects you or the team's reputation

These responses, even subtle ones, teach athletes that their worth is tied to their performance. You're literally creating maladaptive perfectionism in real-time.

Practical Tools: What To Do Right Now

1. Change Your Post-Performance Questions

Instead of:

• "Did you win?"

• "What was your time?"

• "Why did you miss that?"

Try:

• "How do you feel about your effort?"

• "What did you learn about yourself today?"

• "What's one thing you're proud of?"

• "If you could do it again right now, what would you try differently?"

Notice how these questions shift focus from outcome to process, from judgment to curiosity.

2. Teach Them the Language Check

Literally teach your athletes to catch themselves:

• When you hear "I suck," stop and rephrase: "What I did there sucked, and here's what I'm going to try next time."

• When you hear "What's wrong with me?", reframe: "What am I doing that I need to adjust?"

Make it a team culture thing. Call each other out lovingly. "Hey, that's about you. Let's talk about what happened instead."

3. The 24-Hour Rule

Implement this: No major self-assessments or decisions in the first 24 hours after competition. Emotions are too high. The maladaptive perfectionist will spiral. The adaptive perfectionist will use this time to decompress.

Revisit it the next day when the cognitive and emotional charge has dropped.

4. Normalize the Full Range

Say this out loud to your athletes:

"You're going to feel disappointed when you fall short. That's normal, and it means you care. You might even feel frustrated with yourself. That's okay too. What's NOT okay is beating yourself up like you're worthless. The disappointment should be about what happened, not about who you are. And if you notice it's all internal, all heavy, all about you being broken, I'm here to help you with that!"

5. Track Mood Recovery

Keep a simple log for a month:

• Big performance date

• Immediate reaction (1-10 intensity, general emotion)

• 24-hour check-in

• 3-day check-in

• 7-day check-in

Patterns will emerge quickly. If your athlete is consistently still charged a week later, you've got maladaptive perfectionism that needs addressing.

6. Reward Character and Process Milestones

Create opportunities for "wins" that have nothing to do with outcomes:

• The improvement of a skill that an athlete has been working so hard for

• Being coachable, a selfless leader, or disciplined in how they show up to training

• How inspiring their grit and drive is, regardless of the outcome

This teaches that worth and value exist independent of podiums and scoreboards.

The Science Behind the Source

Dr. Paul Hewitt, one of the leading researchers on perfectionism, explains it perfectly: if the source of perfectionism is derived from not feeling "enough," where achieving something big is what brings value or self-worth, then it's maladaptive to the person. But if the perfectionism is in pursuit of something they feel capable of and are excited to run toward (not run away from), then it's a more meaningful and adaptive pursuit (Williamson, 2024).

The research consistently shows this pattern. In a comprehensive review examining perfectionism across multiple dimensions, perfectionistic strivings showed a positive relationship with sport performance, while perfectionistic concerns were unrelated to performance outcomes (Kim et al., 2025). But here's the kicker: perfectionistic concerns showed much stronger relationships with fear of failure, anxiety, self-criticism, and depression than with actual performance.

Translation? The athlete obsessed with being perfect because they feel inadequate isn't performing any better than someone without that baggage. They're just suffering more.

Another major review confirmed that maladaptive perfectionism is linked to adverse consequences, while adaptive perfectionism can yield positive effects (Damián Núñez et al., 2024). The overall impact of perfectionism depends on whether perfectionistic strivings or perfectionistic concerns dominate the athlete's experience.

The Bottom Line

Perfectionism itself isn't the enemy. High standards aren't bad. The relentless pursuit of excellence has created every great athletic achievement in history.

But when that pursuit comes from a place of "I'm not enough," you're building a house on sand. Maladaptive perfectionism is linked to adverse consequences, including burnout, while adaptive perfectionism can yield positive effects (Damián Núñez et al., 2024).

Your job isn't to lower the bar. It's to help your athlete chase it from the right place, from capability, curiosity, and genuine love of the sport. Not from fear, inadequacy, or a desperate need to prove their worth.

The athlete running toward something will always outperform, and outlast, the athlete running away from not feeling enough.

And you can tell which one you're coaching by watching what happens in the 60 seconds after they succeed or fail. Their emotions and thoughts in those moments? That's not noise. That's a signal. That's everything.

Listen to it. Learn from it. And help them rewrite it if needed.

Because the difference between greatness and burnout isn't how high the standards are. It's where they come from.

Want to dive deeper? Psychological interventions such as mindfulness-based approaches and ACT-based interventions show potential in reducing perfectionism and enhancing athlete outcomes (Damián Núñez et al., 2024). The earlier you intervene, the better. Don't wait for the burnout or being the one to beat yourself before your opponent does. Start paying attention today and connect with us if you feel we could help you overcome this.

References

Damián Núñez, E. F., Soria Villanueva, L. M., Tejada Mendoza, M. A., Isla Alcoser, S. D., Palacios Garay, J. P., & Hernández-Vásquez, R. (2024). Perfectionism as a paradoxical factor in sport and exercise performance: An umbrella review. Iranian Journal of Psychiatry, 19(2), 247-254. https://doi.org/10.18502/ijps.v19i2.15111

Hill, A. P. (2025). Advances in the study of perfectionism in sport. Psychology of Sport & Exercise, 82, Article 102988. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychsport.2025.102988

Kim, H., Madigan, D. J., & Hill, A. P. (2025). Multidimensional perfectionism and sport performance: A systematic review and meta-analysis. International Review of Sport and Exercise Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1080/1750984X.2025.2541342

Waleriańczyk, W., Stolarski, M., & Matthews, G. (2022). Perfectionism moderates the effects of goal-realization on post-competition mood in amateur runners. Journal of Sports Science and Medicine, 21(1), 1-12. https://doi.org/10.52082/jssm.2022.1

Williamson, C. (Host). (2024, October 28). The toxic reality of self improvement [Video podcast episode]. In Modern Wisdom. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mEbECK95EM